Thinking back on my recent blogs brings me to communication* among couples. It doesn’t have to be between parties in an intimate relationship; it may well be with co-workers, etc. We have four basic methods of communicating.
We can be aggressive, which I admitted to in my last blog. This form of communication results in a win-lose outcome. I may win, but have absolutely no regard for your thoughts, beliefs nor feelings.
We can be passive to the point of never getting our needs, let alone, our wants met. Again, there is no fair solution reached. I realize that the person with passive communication put themselves in that situation however it produces a lot of resentments being built up on their part.
You can be passive-aggressive kind of like coming in with a sneak attack The Half-joking, half-serious comments made to keep the other party off balance, so to speak. For instance, you
and your partner are going down the street to Jim and Martha’s for a cookout. “Honey, you look absolutely gorgeous, who is it dressed for, Jim?
Before I proceed, I must address a new form of communication I had no idea it existed before. I had just met this couple for their first relationship therapy session. One of the questions I presented was “how do you express your feelings when a troublesome issue is at hand?”
Their reply, “We text one another.” I continued, Ok, so how do you express your thoughts and feeling when you’re in the same room, let’s say, while both of you are on the couch? Their reply, “We text each other.” My thoughts? Terrific. I’m baffled and apparently out of touch.
There’s a statement, attributed to Albert Einstein, that goes, “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” I believe we have reached that point in time with our constant and continuous texting, our busy, busy time devoted to our iPods, iPads, Kindles, Nooks and the search for Pokemon, etc., etc.
I would assume the majority of you have heard that somewhere within a range between 80 to 85 % of communication can be found in one’s behavior, voice, stance, eye intensity, tightened muscles, etc. which we read through observation. We miss so much by texting; it just jumbles my mind.
Being older I have earned the right to be a curmudgeon and stubbornly refuse to text or read texts sent to me. This behavior on my part proves I am a true Luddite and have probably lessened my availability of receiving referrals.
So these three styles, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive, of communication do not lend themselves to a balanced outcome where both parties win. Hopefully, fairness in communication is your goal. Well, ladies and gentlemen the path to that goal of a win-win solution will be addressed in my next blog, god willing I am still on this side of the dirt. .
*When discussing communication in this or any of my papers, I am talking (writing) about getting a fair, win-win, solution to an unresolved issue.